A few weeks ago, I did something I'd never done before.
I gathered 10 of my podcast guests for a BBQ on my rooftop in Malaga. These are people I'd met through my 50 Lunches project. Some I'd known for months. Some I'd only sat with once.
The idea was simple. Deepen the connections I'd been building, and let these amazing people get to know each other. Good food, cold drinks, Malaga sunset. What could go wrong?
The gratitude round
I started dinner with a round of gratitude. Just a simple prompt: share one thing you're grateful for right now.
I went first. I shared that I was grateful my friend Johan was visiting from Sweden. That even after I moved to Malaga, it always feels natural when we reconnect. Like no time has passed.
Then we went around the table.
I expected variety. I thought I'd hear about their kids, their work, recent wins. The usual stuff.
But almost everyone turned it back at me.
They were grateful for getting to know me. For advice I had given. For my energy and presence. For how I had impacted their lives... even through a single conversation.
I was humbled. I barely knew how to respond.
The thing you can't see about yourself
Here's what I've been sitting with since that night.
You spend your whole life building a picture of who you are. What you're good at. What you're not. You refine it over decades. You get pretty confident in your self-assessment.
But you rarely see your own gifts.
The things that come naturally to you? You discount them. Because they're easy for you, you assume they're easy for everyone. You don't notice the thing that lights up a room, because you're the one standing in it.
Then 10 people, some nearly complete strangers, sit at one table and tell you the exact same thing.
That's when you start realizing who you really are.
Why this matters if you're feeling lost
I work with people who are stuck. Smart, accomplished, mid-career professionals who've done everything right on paper but feel disconnected from what they're doing. I wrote about that feeling in Feeling Stuck Doesn't Mean You're Broken.
One of the most common things I hear is: "I don't know what I'm good at. Not really."
And my first reaction is always the same. You do know. You just can't see it from where you're standing.
Your strengths have become invisible to you precisely because they're yours. The friend who always calls you for advice? That's a clue. The colleague who lights up when you explain something? Clue. The thing people thank you for that you didn't think was a big deal? Huge clue.
The mirror you can't hold for yourself
There's a reason every framework for finding purpose eventually tells you to talk to other people. It's because self-assessment has blind spots. Big ones.
You overweight your weaknesses. You underweight your gifts. You compare yourself to some imaginary standard instead of seeing what's actually there.
Other people don't have that problem. They just see you. And when enough of them say the same thing? Pay attention.
I'm not talking about fishing for compliments. I'm talking about putting yourself in rooms where honest reflection is possible. Dinner tables, not LinkedIn comment sections. Real conversations, not performance reviews.
What I'd invite you to try
Gather some people. It doesn't have to be 10. Three is enough. Five is great.
Start with a simple question. "What's one thing you're grateful for right now?" Or even more directly: "What do you see in me that I might not see in myself?"
That second question takes courage. But the answers might surprise you the way they surprised me on that rooftop.
You don't need a podcast or a project to do this. You just need the willingness to sit with people who actually see you. And then listen.
The deeper lesson
I started 50 Lunches because I wanted new perspectives. I wanted to meet interesting people, hear their stories, and get advice on my own journey.
What I didn't expect was that the project itself would become a mirror. That the people I was learning from would reflect something back that I couldn't have seen alone.
So if you're lost. If you're questioning what you're good at, what you're here for, what comes next...
Sit with people who see you. And listen.
Sometimes the answer isn't buried inside you. It's sitting across the table, waiting for you to ask.
And if you want a structured way to start that self-reflection, try the Life Report. It won't replace a good conversation, but it'll show you where the gaps are. That's often the best place to begin.
